The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.". 57.) "May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers." 2. The classic with me and my friends is "Cheers to beers thank god we ain't queers." 33.) May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty. 91.) May you work like you dont need the money, love like youve never been hurt, dance like nobodys watching, and drink like a true Irishman. Stop trying to make everyone happy. The love of the Son and. The third one ducked. PROGRAMAO. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.Abraham Lincoln, Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? Heres a toast to the future, a toast to the past, and a toast to our friends, far and near. I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know. Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives and to the good life, whatever it is and wherever it happens to be. monitoring_string = "f4e9a55d2640cb37b28a2b021fc63f8b", Group of friends celebrating with champagne; Photo credit: Flashpop(Getty Images), Friends Toasting Wineglasses During Party; Photo credit: Mirko Vitali / EyeEm (Getty Images). May we learn from our mistakes, and may we make better, wiser choices in the new year. He says, youve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. 71.) Groucho Marx knew how to praise the glasses of life. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. Some ships are wooden ships, but those ships may sink. Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic. Weve assembled a hilarious list of drinking humor to get a laugh or a smile out of the toughest audience. 12.) Choose your words wisely. To those that wish us well; the rest can go to hell. Top 10 best drinking toasts 1.) till it's out of me and out of you. 10. The light of the Christmas star to you. 34.) 5.) If it doesnt look like its breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth. For one, they can help to break the ice at a party or gathering. For toasts that are primarily for men click here ; for toasts that are primarily for women click here . 11. 14.) Friendship: May differences of opinion cement it! Three I'm under the table. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, how much for a beer? The bartender replies, for you? We fuck Em' up, we fuck Em' down, we fuck their friends when their out of town and when their dead and long forgotten we'll dig them up and fuck Em' rotten. 2. To my schizophrenic friend. Heres to all the days that end in Y. Poems are hard. When I let them, I loose them. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. Our mission is to deliver fresh and enjoyable content. 15.) Here's to each lad and his darlin' Colleen. For last year's words belong to last year's language, and next year's words await another voice. It is customary to take a sip of your drink when someone toasts you. To the kisses weve snatched, and vice versa. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. Heres to those who wish us well. Now that's an oxymoron." Aaron Howard "If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA." Unknown 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!" "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. "I didn't order my own beer; my wife made me promise to give up drinking.". I shant. A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, You look nice today. A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, Thats a nice shirt. The guy asks the bartender, Who is that? The bartender says, Those are the peanuts. Best Funny Alcohol Quotes and getting drunk quotes, sayings, memes. Heres to you. 37.) 2) Just before he died he went drinking with his mates. 20.) Happy birthday! May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. To our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet. Here's to love, laughter, and a happily ever after. 77.) Paddy brags: "You know, I've had every woman in this town. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. 8. May your liquor be cold, may your women be hot. Happy birthday, darling! "To your very good health. The only toast we do is our drinking song. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends . Heres to love for which there is no cure except to marry. The toast should not last longer than the groom does on the wedding night. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening". Always remember to forget the things that made you sad. May we live to learn well And learn to live well. May they soon improve. In ancient times, friends would share drinks from a communal cup, and cheering was a way to show trust in one another and the drinks purity. May we never go to hell but always be on our way. Heres to your liver! No retreat, no surrender. For if anything drives men to drink, she certainly can do it. After all, advancing birthdays are much better than the alternative. 95.) Fuc-King! Youre a gentleman and a scholar and a good judge of bad liquor. Irish Scratch-Off Bar Games - Make Your Own Funny Scratch-offs Prizes for Bar Customers - generator online using scratch-off ticket template. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. 69.) I improve with wine. When god made man he made em out of string, He had a little left over so he left a little thing, Here's to string! Another day, another bender. However, suppose you do not drink alcohol or want to consume less at the moment. To Honor! Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary, but I looked it up on whiskeypedia. 15 Irish drinking toasts "May you have all the happiness and luck that life can hold, and at the end of your rainbows, may you find a pot of gold." "Here's to the land of the shamrock so green. 10. I wont, I shant, I dont! When we were young, we would compare liquor and women. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own. 15+ The Simpsons Trivia Questions & Facts Only Real Fans Know. 7. May they never stop. Here's to a bright New Year and a fond farewell to the old; Here's to the things that are yet to come and to the memories that we hold. May you live each day like your last, and live each night like your first. 5. But wheres the fun in that? To us, for this is the youngest well ever be and the oldest weve been. 40. [15 August 2003. by Anonymous (it is in email archive --JP). All Illustrations: Aida Amer (Glassware: Boleslaw Kubica/ Shutterstock) Raise your glass and sing a song of celebration! Heres looking at you, although heaven knows it takes all of my efforts. Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small town bar. 3.) We asked Atlas . Life and beer are very similar. Here's to "The Usual". Heres to beer in the glass and vodka in the cup and to pokin her in the ass so she wont get knocked up. Toasts Quotes. Heres to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life. My friends are the best friends Loyal, willing, and able. Heres to women. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. Alcohol may be a man's worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemy. Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough. 27.) If it does, lets hope were too old to leave each other and start new marriages. When I meet them, I like them. -Quint. 7. To your very good health. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. To the holidaysall 365 of them. Here's to the present and the friends who are here. Hey, it COULD happen! Of all my favorite things to do, The utmost is to have a brew. Always a good one to bring up as a wedding toast. May you always remember to fight with two words, Yes, dear.. Here's to the people we've . When you get to it, and cant do it; Come see me, because Im used to it! For a good reason! Heres to your good health. To my schizophrenic friend. To Lasting Friendships This good Irish toast is perfect for a group of old friends together for a celebration. How do you know if someone likes craft beer? You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women. Heres to that long straight piece in Tetris. 13. Heres to wine, wit, and wisdom. This is always a good one to overcome bad times. I drank to your health in company. Son, when I was your age there was no social media. In contrast, others jump right into stating what or who they are toasting to. This is one of the most common college drinking quotes youll ever have. Who loves not women, wine, and song, He will be a fool his whole life long. The Bar With The Boys"). #6. A good girl and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot. When we drink, we get drunk. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. 87.) To the bride and groom! May the roof over your head be always strong. Heres to the three rings of marriage, the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. "Except me mammy, of course!" "Well then," says Seamus. 1. Thats it. Tomorrow is the first page of a new book. "May we all be alive at this same time next year." "May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live." "May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future." Dont worry. Life always offers you a second chance It's called tomorrow. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Collection. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. Heres to the floor. Cheers to that. May it always be the other guy. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. You can entertain everyone while being witty and thoughtful. Take everything in moderation including moderation. Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward. Nothing but the best for our hostess. 8. Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. What have eight arms and an IQ of 60? So fine and divine, they bleed every month, and bear every nine. ; A (unique?) Heres to it, And to it again. So fill your glass with anything And damn your souls, Ill drink it! To the new couple: Never sweat the petty things, but always pet the sweaty things. Had too much wine last night. Heres to the women who have used and abused us. 8. A tennis ball walks into a bar. Looking for some fun party games to liven up your next get-together? May the stay there be as fun as the way there. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. Wherever you go and whatever you do, May the luck of the Irish be there with you. Heres to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, shes not a virgin but thats not a sin, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. May she smile upon you. Here's to me! A guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are assholes.". Now we compare statins. Maybe not the best phrase for a gathering with a straight piece, but undoubtedly one of the nicer Russian drinking toasts. Culture toast toasts 1. It is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of the toast. He comes out, goes to the bartender. From Drinking Song, J. Webley: A toast to Mary, A girl I once loved, Oh Lord, why do things have to die? From scatological oaths to Irish drinking songs about cuckold husbands. Treasures in life are many, dreams realized but few. Be hoppy.. Today, take time to relax and enjoy your day because you deserve it! You can get excited about the future. 24. I'll drink to the Girls who don't! 72.) Strike hands with me. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. ], [Retrieved from
Q: What does a ghost drink? If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. #7. May the very best of your past being the very worst of your future. The bartender says we dont serve time travelers in here. May the mist of Irish magic shorten every road. A duck walks in a bar and orders a beer then says Put it on my bill.. But I know the test of Gods goodness is when he gave me a friend like you. Here's to the year aheadour brightest one yet! When we get drunk, we fall asleep. May the wind at your back always be your own. A supreme liter. Little Johnny: then go fuck yourself. Today, toasts are for parties, weddings, gatherings, and events. Down the hatch! Many Irish drinking toasts, for example, will be completely inappropriate for a large wedding reception. 28. May it live as long as you last. Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man. Hey bartender, I need a beer. Heres to the land of the shamrock so green, And heres to each lad and his darlin'Colleen, Heres to the ones we love dearest and most. Heres to women! Whether youre heading out on the town or day drinking during a lockdown, youll find just the right line to share with your friends. Heres to the women who love me terribly. He goes up to a beautiful young woman and says, So, do I come here often?, 55.) Tears make you braver. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. 14. 13. And learned if you drink too much, its likely tequil-ya. Learn more about Box of Puns. Top 10 best drinking jokes 1.) Little fools drink too much, and great fools not at all! A thousand welcomes when anyone comes That's the Irish for you!
Here's to the ones we love dearest and most. After recovering from his shock, the bartender thinks, Hey, this gorilla doesnt know how much drinks cost, and hands him back one dollar in change, saying, We dont get too many gorillas in here. The gorilla replies, At 19 bucks a drink, Im not surprised., 60.) May your troubles be less and your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door. May the best of your past be the worse of your future. Pain makes you stronger. Whats the only drink size they allow in North Korea? But the best ships are friendships, and may they always be! --
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